The Secret of Happiness
by Thoth's Quill
Summary: After Bakugo has an existential crisis as to why he's not happy with being a Pro Hero, he and Izuku duke it out and figure it out. Possible friendship. No shipping involved


**HELLO, GLORIOUS PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET. IT IS I. THOTH'S QUILL, BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH A ONESHOT!  
**

**This one is supposed to be a friendship dealio between Bakugo and Midoriya, where Bakugo makes up for his past after having what amounts to an existential crisis of why he's not happy.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

**TQ out!**

* * *

A hero. Could he ever call himself one? Katsuki Bakugou had done everything right. He'd beaten Deku to the number one spot through sheer strength and domination, through force of will, and in a fair manner. He'd beaten Deku. And yet, here he was now. At the top of the mountain. Number One Hero, with Deku behind him.

And yet he felt so empty.

Why? Why did All Might look so smug and satisfied with his spot in Number One? He always won! That's why he was so amazing. That's what made Katsuki admire him so much. He always came out on top. Right?

And yet, here he stood. At Number One. And something was missing. Something that Deku seemed to possess in spades, because the madman was smiling despite his status.

And Katsuki intended to find out what that was. If he had to pry the truth out of Deku.

* * *

Izuku's doorbell rang. It wasn't a new occurrence. As a hero, he had many colleagues, and quite a few of them came by on house visits on many occasions. One person that usually _didn't_ come over, however, was Katsuki Bakugou.

"Kacchan!" Izuku exclaimed in genuine, pleased surprise. "Good seeing you here!"

He'd grown. Ever since they'd become pro heroes, the two boys were now men. Grown men. Izuku was the one with a smile on his face. Happy. Despite where he ranked.

Katsuki growled a bit. "Wipe that stupid fucking smile off your face, Deku." Katsuki growled, by way of greeting.

"R-right." Izuku replied. His smile dropped. Only by a fraction though. He was still happy to see the man. "So, what's up?" Izuku was different. His tone was different. He wasn't nervous around Katsuki anymore. Gone were the days when Izuku wasn't a confident person. He wasn't a stuttering mess anymore. He was a hero in his own right. Years of saving people, and positive reinforcement had changed him. The effect of years of bullying were there, but they were essentially weak ghosts of what they were when Izuku had joined U.A. to become a Pro Hero. He'd grown into his own as a stable, wonderful man. A caring, kind person. Someone who was as confident with himself as he was with his ability to be a bastion of hope, care and compassion.

He greeted him as an equal instead of someone his better. It annoyed Katsuki. His eye twitched.

"I came here to ask you something, Deku. And I want you to give it to me straight. You get that? I've got a lot of shit to do and I'd rather not waste my time in this shithole."

Izuku's expression changed. He frowned. Not an angry one. A pensive one. If Katsuki was about to ask Izuku something, and Katsuki hardly ever asked anyone anything, priding himself on doing things his way or no way, there was something serious afoot. "Something wrong? Weird case?" Izuku inquired.

Katsuki rolled his eyes. "I never said anything about a case, fuckwit. You gonna listen? Or should I leave?"

He couldn't help but smile as he raised both his hands in appeasement. "Alright, OK. Sorry, Kacchan. Come inside." He stepped aside.

"Don't tell me what to do, shithead. I'll stand here if I want to." That earned an exasperated chuckle from Izuku. Some things never changed, did they?

"What's your question?"

It took everything Katsuki had to not just leave then and there, and keep the question unspoken. Asking Deku for help. Deku of all people. The thorn on his side to his road to number one. How low could Katsuki sink? He felt himself feel ashamed for even _thinking_ of asking a useless bastard like him for help. And here he was.

"How do you do it?"

Izuku was genuinely confused. He didn't understand Katsuki's question at all. "W-what do you mean, Kacchan? How do I do what?"

"How the fuck do you settle for being number two and still smile? And here I am at number one? How is it that I'm number one right now and I don't feel like a billion fucking yen, huh?" He seethed. His anger at his own predicament boiled over as explosions crackled on his palm.

There was a moment of silence in which Katsuki composed himself. Izuku stared at him. Dumbstruck. Then he did the damnedest thing. He smiled.

"Really, Kacchan? That's what you're worried about?"

Katsuki scoffed. "What do you mean 'really'? Of course I'm fucking worried. I got what I wanted. I should be fucking elated! How the hell aren't I? I see you smiling and happy like you've won the fucking lottery, for crying the fuck out loud! What kind of shit are you even on that gets you so high that you smile at number two?!"

"I'm not on anything, Kacchan, if that's what you're implying." He replied indignantly, but still smiling. "There's…" He paused as he tried to figure out how to best explain his mindset. Then he nodded. "OK. Come with me. Sparring room at the agency. You think at your best level when you fight. Let's spar. It'll give me some practice while we're at it." He suggested.

Katsuki was taken aback. He glared. "You serious? This some kinda joke to you? This isn't like the time when I found out about All Might, is it?"

"Not really. It's something else. But you gotta trust me on this, yeah?"

Katsuki wouldn't trust Izuku as far as he could throw a planet. But Izuku was the one with the answer, wasn't he?

Izuku let Katsuki into his apartment. Despite being number two, his apartment was, as Katsuki eloquently called it, a shithole. In that it wasn't much to look at. It was a small one bedroom affair, with a kitchen, living room, dining room combined. Very basic. Just what Izuku preferred. He wasn't very materialistic, after all, despite the collection of All Might Memorabilia he had in his bedroom. "Make yourself comfy, will you? I'll be back in a sec with my training gear and we can get to the agency gym."

Izuku left Katsuki to his thoughts. Thoughts that stormed the spiky haired man's brain. Katsuki sat down. There was a loud booming bark from the bedroom and a rather large St. Bernard bounded out of it. Izuku laughed from the bedroom at the dog's antics as the dog made a beeline for Kacchan and rested his head on Katsuki's lap.

"Don't get used to it, furface." Katsuki growled, but still smiled, scratching the dog behind the ear. Izuku returned minutes later, in full gear.

"Oni isn't being trouble, is he?"

"Furface's got better sense than you, Deku." Katsuki retorted.

"Got your gear?"

"Back at the agency." They worked for the same one. "What the fuck are we even sparring for?"

"You'll see," was all that Katsuki got as a cryptic reply. Guess he'd have to find out. He hated it when Izuku got mysterious.

* * *

"GRARGH! COME BACK HERE YOU BASTARD!" Katsuki roared as Izuku bounded off the gym walls away from him, towards a high cliff at the gym. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!" They'd been fighting for three hours now. A very even match indeed. The gym was in shambles, as always.

"FIGURE IT OUT!" Izuku yelled back before leaping high into the air, under the glare of the bright floodlight. Katsuki growled. Vision. The light was blinding him. He wouldn't have a good view. Using the blasts of his palms, he veered out of the way from a plummeting Izuku right before his foot smashed the ground where Katsuki'd just been.

"TRICKY BASTARD! WHAT EVEN IS THE POINT OF THIS?"

"How do you feel Kacchan?" he asked, tone conversational, despite the sweat in his brow, the grime on his cheeks and the heavy panting. Katsuki realized one thing. He felt free. He was smiling. And he was smiling wide. Why? "You see what I mean?"

He took this momentary lapse to lunge at Izuku who jumped back immediately. "So! That's it huh? You wanted to make me smile? Yeah well I still don't get why I'm smiling here and not when I'm at the top! And you know what that makes me, shitty Deku?" he replied, now growling. "IT MAKES ME FUCKING FURIOUS!"

Izuku raised his hand to signal the stop of the match as Katsuki propelled himself with blasts to fly to him. He spun in a tornado, creating a wind tunnel behind him that would fuel an enormous blast that would obliterate Izuku. But at the last minute, Katsuki had to force himself to stop within inches of the open palm, stopping himself from colliding into Izuku. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THE BIG IDEA DEKU? I WAS GONNA PUMMEL YOU!"

"Let me tell you the point of the match. I'm ending it here because you'd have won this round anyways. That Howitzer Impact you were priming up for? I was _definitely_ not prepared to dodge my way outta that. So I conceded defeat for this time." He explained conversationally, taking his braced gloves off one by one.

"Huh?" God of wit, thy name be Katsuki Bakugo. Such eloquence!

"The sparring match should show you something though. Something I keep noticing about you. You're at your happiest when you're fighting, Kacchan. You're a fighting champion." He told him. "And believe me when I say this. I admire that about you. You don't back down. You don't ever give up and no matter what you strive to do your best. It isn't the end goal that makes you happy. It's your journey to it."

Katsuki stared at Izuku. What the fuck was he even saying? Wasn't it Katsuki's goal to become the number one hero? Because that's what victory was like and victory was supposed to make him happy.

"You're the symbol of victory, Kacchan. But you're also the symbol of what it takes to get there."

"What the fuck are you going on about?"

"Don't you get it? You love to fight for the right reasons. You don't _love_ the number one spot. At least not for the reason you think you do, probably. And I know I sound like I'm a raving lunatic right now, but stay with me on this one." He was now smiling wide, as if he was sharing the secret of the entire god damn universe with Katsuki. "As much as I admire your tenacity and love for victory, through the right means, mind you, I don't really care if I'm number one or not. Not for the same reason you do, anyways," he explained. "And that's something I'll get to too." He added, noting Katsuki showing every sign of wanting to interrupt.

"I don't strive to be number one for the sake of just being number one. I strive to be my best because it's what is going to help me when I do the right thing. Like saving people. Protecting them. Doing those things makes me feel happy. Rescuing people who need it with a smile on my face. It just so happens that being in the top ten hero ranks, especially number one, is the best way to do all those things. While this is what I like about being a hero, I've seen you. You have this glint in your eye when you fight. And a manic grin, like a possessed demon." He explained. "It's honestly kinda unnerving." He added with a little ungraceful snort of laughter, much to Katsuki's displeasure. "You look like nothing will ever stop you from fighting for what you believe is right."

Katsuki frowned. "What're you trying to say, Deku? That I'm some kinda psycho?"

"Some would think that you are, but I don't. I know what's going through your head, Kacchan. I've known you long enough to know what you think. It's a little different, for you. It's not the end that counts. It's the journey, as cliché as that sounds. Think of it like this. You fighting isn't the means to the end goal of being number one. It's the other way round. You being number one is the means to the end goal, which for you, is to keep fighting the good fight, and to keep fighting for what really matters. Kinda like how it is for me." He explained. "Saving people isn't the means by which I become number one, but the other way round, like I said before. If I save people, whether I care for the top spot or not, ultimately I'll be number one. And being in the number one spot will just mean that I've been doing what I wanted to do all along. When I say 'the journey', in your case I mean 'the fight'. It's ultimately not the number one position that's important to you. It's the fight."

The man paused as he sat down on the ground, tapping the ground beside him to indicate to Katsuki to sit next to him. The explosive one let out a wordless growl but nonetheless complied.

"Long time ago you used to bully me, you remember that?"

"How can I forget?" he grunted. "I did apologize to you, though." He pointed out.

"Took you a few years, but yeah, you got there." He agreed. "Remember what you said to me though? You told me you liked being the best. But I think you know better. Really, you just liked the fight." He said simply. "And it's not like I'm satisfied with being number two. I want to be number one. But I've realized something over the years, Kacchan. It's not because I want to beat you. Even though I've said that before to your face too. It used to be that way, sure, when we first started out as rivals. But I knew that I wanted to be number one because being the number one hero is the best possible path I can take to do what I love. Which is rescuing people. Saving them with a smile on my face." Katsuki sat down next to him as he heard him. Silent.

No explosions. No swearing. Just silent contemplation.

"Tell me something Kacchan. Would you have accepted the top spot if you hadn't worked for it? If you hadn't given it your all?" Izuku mused

"Of course the fuck not, you idiot!" Katsuki hissed, smacking Izuku on the back of the head. But there was no bite in his words or not too much harshness in that smack. Izuku just laughed a little.

"Exactly like during our first sports festival. You pretty much had to be forced to accept the medal because Todoroki didn't give you his best. You're number one not because you want to be number one, but being number one allows you to do the thing you most love. Fight and give it your all. For victory. For what you believe in. And to protect others, no matter how much you hate admitting it to yourself. No matter what top spot it is, whether it's first in the sports festival, or the agency, or on the hero ranking list, you want to give it your all to be number one. Not because you want to be number one, but because you love to push yourself to your absolute limit; to fight to the absolute madman's maximum. When I say you love to fight, I mean you love to give it everything you've got. Obviously, the natural result is that it should give you your number one spot considering your capabilities. And knowing that you have that spot means that you know you've done what you wanted. But that's the thing. The spot is only the result of what you love to do. And the result shows that you're still doing it. But no one's challenging you, Kacchan. There's no real fight between you and me for the number one spot because I'm more than happy to coexist as long as I'm able to save people. And not being able to fight for your spot is driving you nuts. It's making you antsy, because you feel like you're not defending anything. You don't like having things handed to you. You don't like it when the people you fight don't come at you with all they've got. The thing is, I'm not coming at you at all! So it's got you pissed."

"You don't know a damn thing about me Deku. And you talk way too much." That was Katsuki's automatic reply. And yet the voice didn't hold that conviction. "I swear your rambling's gotten worse, even if you're actually clearer with how you speak nowadays." He grumbled in a halfhearted effort to complain about something.

"I've known you since we were four, Kacchan. Twenty six years is a long time to know someone. You're not happy because you're not doing what you love, which is to fight." He summarized.

"So ultimately you're telling me that it's your fault?"

"Look at it this way. Weren't you smiling just a couple of minutes ago when we were kicking the ever living crap out of each other? I'm not really giving you a fight for top spot because I'm still doing what I love. And if that gets me to the top spot, it just means that I can keep doing what I love even more. But let me tell you something." Izuku smirked now relaxing against the wall of the sparring room. "Just because I'm not particularly bothered by not getting the top spot doesn't mean I'm working towards it. It's my means to my end goal. Which means I might just get you smiling soon enough again." He challenged with a chuckle.

Now _that_ got a half feral grin out of him. "You'd better." He growled softly. "OK So… you're telling me that right now you're happy being number two because you're doing what you like." Izuku nodded. "But then you're also telling me that it's not enough for you because being number one shows _you_ that you're helping more people, just like being number one shows me that I'm giving it all I've got in a fight." Izuku nodded again. "And that's why I'm not happy with number one, because I'm not fighting to keep it. It's just sitting there as a title, collecting dust because no one apart from you is challenging me, and as of right now you're not bothered, even if you will be soon." Izuku now grinned.

"Bingo."

Katsuki mulled over Izuku's words. Then he nodded in silent agreement. There was a pause. Then he looked down at the floor.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Izuku asked.

"Why did you just help me? Hell, why do you still help me? We work together, yeah. But I've been shitty to you every single day of our mutual lives... I mean, yeah. Sure. I _did_ apologize for the even shittier things I did to you when we were younger. But still. You still are ok with helping me."

"Because you need my help. And like I said. Nothing makes me happier than when I help someone."

"You make me sound like a needy bitch, Deku. I'm not a fucking weakling."

"I never said you were. Understanding that something is wrong and acknowledging you have a problem isn't weak, Kacchan." He replied. "It's mature. It's a sign of real strength."

"Mature, my left nut." Katsuki retorted. Again, there was no conviction in that jibe. Izuku chuckled.

What Izuku said had some truth to it. Katsuki loved it. He reveled in combat. He was a warrior through and through, while Izuku was a protector. A sentinel. They were two sides of the same coin. While the warrior fought outside, the Sentinel protected what was within.

"You still didn't answer my fucking question, Deku. At least not completely. Why did you help _me_? You coulda just not done it. Yeah sure, I probably needed the assist, I'm not proud of that, but you're probably fucking right anyways. And yeah sure you like helping people, but why me specifically? There're plenty of people to help beside me, and someone instead of you could've probably helped me even if I didn't ask for it. I've fucked with you. Badly. So why do it? Is it so that I owe you one? So that you can gloat over me, and laugh?"

"Kacchan, can I ask you something in return?" Izuku asked. "Who in the world would be bullheaded enough to tolerate your bullshit the way I do?" he continued, now smiling a bit cheekily. Katsuki looked like he was about to explode, but Izuku continued before he could counter. "I'll be honest with you, simply because I'm not frightened of you like I used to be when we were young. Not everyone has your ego. Not everyone's out to do what you do, which is gloat and laugh at your rivals and enemies, and not everyone has my patience, which is something I've learned to take pride in. I don't waste my energy on holding grudges over childhood issues. Sure what you do is a great tactic to undermine the confidence and calm state of mind of whoever you're fighting, but not everyone works that way. I'll admit it. You weren't the best person to be around when we were young."

"Understatement of the fucking century, dipshit." He interrupted under his breath.

"But not wrong." Izuku countered. "You weren't the best person to be around, but you were still a human with your own passions and dreams. You had your own problems to deal with. You had your own issues. And sure I decided at one point that I wasn't going to be your punching bag anymore, but don't you forget that we used to be friends when we were young. Keeping all of that in mind, it's kinda hard for me not to help you. Who else would, anyways? You wouldn't accept anyone's, and it's not like people really _liked_ you that much. You made sure of that. So if no one else helped you, and I was the only one stubborn enough to go out of my way to do it, you can see why I'd do it. Because I want to. Despite all of the misgivings and misunderstandings between us, you're still someone I look up to, and respect, and you're still someone who isn't a bad person."

There was a short pause as Katsuki mulled over those words. "You're not wrong." He conceded reluctantly.

"Granted, you going through problems is no excuse for treating me the way you did, I did get you. I get why you did it. And that's why I forgave you for it. A long time ago."

"Forgive me?! You forgiving me? I never asked for your forgiveness! Not until years later!"

"No you didn't outright ask it." He agreed. "Which is why, if you remember, when you _did_ ask me to forgive you, I told you I already had. You asked me why, and I told you that there's no real why, at the time. I honestly didn't know why, back then. But I had a lot of time to think. My forgiveness was there then already, and by the time you did apologize to me with your words, it was really just a formality. What you did was wrong. We both know that." He said. "But still you walked a different path than what your earlier actions against me dictated. Despite our history, you and I worked side by side. We became heroes together, Kacchan."

"We became heroes together because I wanted to fight against you for the number one spot."

"Exactly. We're back to where we started now! You wanted to _fight_. And you were happy when you did. But you wanted to do it with _me_. As equals. As rivals. Not as a schoolyard bully putting down someone weaker than him. How you treated me, as an equal worthy of a proper fight was a sign from you that you had changed. That was when All Might told you about his quirk. We saw each other as equals since then."

"… Again. You're not wrong. And it's pissing me the fuck off." Katsuki grumbled.

"Yeah I figured." Izuku replied with a smile. "The fact that, in your world, you elevated me from some insect to someone worthy of being your equal, told me that you'd changed your opinion of me. It told me that you'd regretted your actions against me because if you hadn't you'd have kept treating me the same way like you always had before we got into U.A."

"Like shit." Katsuki clarified.

"Like crap." Izuku agreed. A bit more politely. "So you get it now?"

"Think so." Katsuki muttered, scratching his cheek lightly. "So you already forgave me even before I said sorry. Was it when I found out about One for All?"

"Pretty much." Izuku nodded. "I told you I wasn't going to be your punching bag. That was me giving you my all because you elevated me to that position of an equal and a rival. I had to do it. Because I knew you needed that."

"You're the most fucked up therapist I think anyone could ever have." Katsuki grumbled. "But hey, looks like it worked."

"It'd better have. Or I'm gonna have to just keep saving you." Izuku murmured.

"Whatever, shitty Deku. Don't think this changes anything between us, alright. I still fucking hate your guts."

"Oh I know." Izuku replied immediately, raising both hands in submission and acceptance.

"And I'll still fucking fight you to keep the number one spot."

"Yes, yes. I know." He replied now smiling.

"… Let's get a drink. I'm fucking thirsty."

"I'll pay."

"The fuck you will."

Izuku was still smiling as they made their way out of the gym to freshen up and head out. True friendship was a long way off. But it was a start.


End file.
